When love is lost shine anyways!
Hi, my name is Liz McNairy!
If you are reading this, I am so grateful for the opportunity to connect with YOU. It is my mission to empower the world to live in peace. Through working together, I KNOW that is possible for us.
Growing up I was privileged. My life was easy. My biggest concerns were how tan could I get? How little time could I spend at work and where would I go out tonight? I was living in my parent’s townhome at the beach. I was surrounded by friends, love, and fun. What I didn’t realize was that I would soon feel like the only person on the planet longing for just one more moment with a certain special someone.
It was the morning after a late night out when I woke up to a phone call from my brother. Intrigued by the rarity of him calling at this time of day, I quickly picked up to the sobering sound of, “Dad is really sick. He has cancer.” Time suddenly stood still as I began to grapple with, “What am I supposed to do?” I remember being told, ‘there’s nothing to do right now. We’re all here and we just wanted to let you know.”
I hung up the phone and was in denial. I joined my girlfriends as they were trying to figure out where to eat breakfast. It wasn’t until we pulled up to the restaurant that it hit me like a ton of bricks; I HAD to go and be with my family! After the 3 hour drive home, I walked into my childhood home and found everyone sitting in the living room which instantly felt like something was wrong. My parents assured me that everything was going to be OK. In my mind that translated to, “Dad will get better.”
I’m not sure if he knew the severity of his cancer at the time but either way when I left to go back to the beach and prepare to finish up my final semester of college, I remember my dad’s words, “Go back to school, graduate and get a job. I will always be with you - when you walk across the stage at graduation, when you get married, and for everything else in your life.” In less than two months he passed away. I was in DISBELIEF. It was as if I thought that if I did well in school, as he directed, everything would be fine with his health. I grieved. I was ANRGY. I was angry that my parents didn’t tell me the severity of his condition. I was angry at the hospice worker who told me to quiet down when I dropped to my knees finding out that my dad was already gone and I didn’t get to say goodbye. I was mad that my mom and my three siblings were all there without me. I was mad at my boyfriend for not being there for me. I became depressed. I drank, A LOT. I tried to revert back to being on the beach during the day and partying at night but it just wasn’t the same. It really “hit” me when I punched a guy at the bar on Halloween night square in the face for playfully pretending to take a picture of me as part of his costume... If you are reading this story you may not know me very well. Let me pause here and say that this was VERY uncharacteristic of me! I had never hit anyone in my life.